Have you ever been in a relationship where you felt drained or just felt worse about yourself after interacting with them? Or maybe you felt like saying no to them but speaking up would ruin the relationship. So in an effort to keep the peace, you just succumbed to everything they asked of you, even if it meant never saying a word. Boundaries are so important to keep healthy relationships. They are designed to protect us and not to hurt us. The wires get mixed because there are moments when we feel like not having a boundary is helping but in reality it is not only hurting you, but it is also hurting the other person.
If you have ever been like me, then you understand the feeling of wanting to pacify the waters by always saying yes to everything or never confronting. That isn’t always a good thing and in reality can make things worse down the road instead of better. In turn, it starts heading down the toxic route of a one sided relationship.
To understand how to create a boundary, we have to first define what exactly it is.
A boundary is a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line. When something infringes on that boundary, it becomes less than.
With that being said, how do we create boundaries and what hinders a boundary from being created in the first place?
Fear of Man
A simple way to describe the fear of man is to constantly look to man for approval over looking to God for approval. It can and will lead you to be more concerned with what a person thinks over what God thinks. It drives decisions and motivations.
Fear’s main goal is to try and separate us from the understanding of how loved we are. When we truly understand how loved we are and who lives inside of us, no weapon formed will prosper. You see, the war has already been won and the enemy has already been defeated. But one of the biggest things that the enemy will try and do to get us off track is to try and deceive us. The enemy tries to rule by deception. If we don’t know who we are in Christ and what He has done for us, then we will get deceived and believe those lies. Remember that you are CHOSEN, WORTHY and LOVED.
Check your motives when around those you love.
Why are you saying yes?
What is the reason behind your yes or your no?
Are you really saying yes for the right reasons or is the true reason because of a fear of saying no?
Are you not saying something because you’re afraid of their response?
Or are you choosing to just keep the peace but not make the peace through loving confrontation? False peace is easy to keep, but true peace? That requires a shaking where the truth is confronted and aired out into the open.
Psalm 27:1
The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
Matthew 5:37
All you need to say is simply 'Yes' or 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.
It’s Okay to Take Care of Yourself Too
As Jesus said in Mark 12:31, Love your neighbor as yourself. You will not be able to love others if you don’t know how to love yourself.
Lastly,
Love Them the Way Christ Loved the Church
Ephesians 5: 1-2 says this:
Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
Boundaries are not only helpful for you but can actually help the other person as well. It creates consistency and safety. There are times the Lord will have you create a boundary specifically for the other person. When a boundary is placed or a confrontation is implemented, it actually works as a tool to set a standard for the interactions between you and that other person. It helps to raise that person up to a higher level of excellence whether they realize it at the moment or not. That is love. We are called to be selfless and to lay our lives down for each other. This looks like laying down our own desires to go be a servant to another. Serving this other person could be through creating that healthy boundary for them and for you. The goal is to guard our hearts and love from a place of dependence of God and not a dependence on a person.
Proverbs 4:23
Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.
My God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation. My stronghold, my refuge, and my Savior, You save me from violence.
Below is a simple prayer you can pray if you have found yourself struggling with any sort of fear concerning your relationships. God is with you and He is for you. He has never forsaken you and never will. Trust Him for He knows the end from the beginning and will continue to make your paths straight as you daily look to Him.
Father,
Thank you so much for loving me and for never leaving me. Thank you for being my stronghold in my times of need. I ask that you continue to strengthen me in times of trouble. Give me new eyes to see my circumstances through your eyes. Anoint my words and help me to say exactly what you want me to say to those around me. Give me the courage to follow your leading and to always keep you first in my life. I thank you that fear no longer has reign over me because you said that perfect love casts out fear. I thank you that I am covered and protected by the blood of Jesus which means that no weapon formed against me shall prosper. I am the head and not the tail and am above and not beneath. Thank you Jesus for your finished work on the cross. I pray this in your precious name, Amen.
Comments